I wish I had good news for you. I wish I could look you in the eye through the webcam malware I definitely didn’t install on your computer when you clicked on this and tell you everything’s going to be just fine.
But that would be a lie.
No, I’m so sorry but 2019 is going to be a hellish inferno the likes of which humanity has never seen.
Lots of grotesquely grievous things are posed to befall us. More state-sponsored killings, stripping of all civil liberties for everyone who can’t correctly explain the rules of football (goodbye, girls and gays!).
And a probable Grammy wins for Post Malone.
But none of these horrors so terrible as this one, set to descend upon us in the night and blanket us in misery like so much an angel of death.
The return of FML.
People share their worst ‘f*ck my life’ moments and they’re so sad it’s funny. So here we are reading some of the top FML’s starting in 2019.
And here’s proof to it.
You know how veterans never talk about the atrocities they experienced (or, y'know, did at war?) until it all spills out when they're like 87 and look like crabs who've lost their shells?
That'll be me about 2019. Maybe, if I make it through the year, I'll be ready to come to terms with it by 2087.
God be with us all.
Image: Courtesy of Fmylife