Fall is here! …oh wait, not yet? We have more than a month to wait?
Someone tell Starbucks about that.
There is nothing wrong with a Pumpkin Spice Latte.
Like astrology, Lush bath bombs, and any novel written by a woman, PSLs are in a special club of things that are objectively good and fun but hated on by dudes and girls who haven’t yet realized that dudes who hate those things are garbage.
But I have realized that at my age, coffee is no longer just a beverage or something I get on a day-date with a guy I have no intention of ever sleeping with: it is the drug that keeps me both alive and employed.
Every day, getting out of bed feels more and more like I'm a mouse stuck in one of those awful glue traps. And every day, I turn to caffeine (and the occasional pharmaceutical) to get me going.
Business Insider reports that Starbucks is bringing back its beloved pumpkin spice lattes earlier than normal this fall.
Rumours began swirling late last week when, according to Starbucks' new fall-themed Facebook group called Leaf Rakers Society Facebook Page, some stores have already began receiving their PSL supplies. Many Starbucks employees who are also members of the online group addressed this hearsay, confirming that the PSL latte would be "now brewing" on August 28th.
Naturally, Twitter was divided about this earlier-than-usual start date. Some welcomed the news with open arms and wallets, while others struggled to "fathom" drinking the hot drink when it's still August.
Starbucks is releasing two other drinks such as the Salted Caramel Mocha and Teavana Pumpkin Spice Chai Tea Latte. Now all of the show pots out there you have got little extra time in the store to showcase your talent while you ponder (& pretend 10 mins more) which of the difficult coffee you should drink. All while you trying to look cool about it!!!
Sadly, that's why I can't drink PSLs anymore. I need plain, strong, unadorned coffee — the coffee equivalent of white heroin. That potent shit, you know? The problem is I still want the delicious autumnal taste of pumpkin and its spawn, pumpkin spice. Sure, I could like, eat a pumpkin muffin. But I'm really only interested in things that at first make me feel superhuman (precisely like a woman) & then like a reanimated corpse. So, booze it is!! (Sons of Liberty and Captain Morgan will work just fine!!)
I don’t need that look from you (very caffeinated) minds out there….
No word yet on pumpkin vodka for you skinny chickens out there, but I'll let you know if I hear anything. In the meantime, maybe just add a splash of any pumpkin-flavored booze into your regular shmegular bodega coffee? Best of both worlds right there.